DECEMBER 18, 2008

The expanse of night unfolded. The kiln burned with toasted frivolities of the inmates of Ipil. Darkness succumbed our skins, piece by piece, inch by inch, as if we were bathe with the subtleties of the vexed light from nothingness. I must felt it: warm, intoxicating, and frisky whenever i sway my hands to wary the floating beasts that touches it, the air. The air grew thinner, we sat on a cold bench, after everything had passed, the hours of togetherness, of meeting the eyes, of soldering our brains to one another. It seemed a becoming, a mingling of sun and moon, however my heart doesn't felt right.

Whether the night should be an illuminating halo that wrapped our souls and feet with arduous intent or a despicable perversion of two unlike entities seeking for belonging, the stillness of the surroundings was lamenting, of the street lamp burning by the other side of the avenue, of the damp windowpanes on the house walls, of the seclusion of a butterfly by the cobwebs, of the sheets of soils with fiery ants in dark ebony. It seemed as though the night bestowed us the stillness that we want, the calmness and anonymity, the peacefulness whenever i heard of silence. And we sat there with our eyes fixed, and mine, clearly alluded to L's, i heard the beating of my heart, but on this night, it did not foretold the tales of romanticized love but more pure that.

What is this new found nothingness holding the strings back, back into the reveries on my own damnation? Will this exquisite agony, the space between our seats and faces, be the end of all? If there should be a resolution, the moment when we laid our eyes, wouldn't it be my extinction? Where does this leads?

And when K jumped into the bus by 6:00 AM, i saw K's face, frozen in my own time frame, haunting me, disturbing my very sensible nerves, and i continued to ask irrelevant questions about my adequacy as a companion, a new found friend, an 'admirer'. Whenever i can, i would recall that frames of my life, when the bus left and me, standing in the middle of empty north avenue, on a 6 o'clock, looking at L's face passed from the shadows of my empty thoughts. I couldn't stop it, to cry, to weep whenever i can, to ground my own sensibilities... to question my own fate.

--- BD.

NOTE: Fictional!